What I learned at Umberger Performance in 2009

Eric Cressey has done this for a few years. It’s been educational and pretty funny at the same time.. Let's see in 2009 I: I finished my masters degree, had the facility that I was planning on using to train clients for the summer close it's doors with ZERO notice 7 days before I was to start full time(crack in the floor- yeah go figure), and I worked 127 days straight to open a World Class Sport Training & Wellness Facility in Pittsburgh. With all of that “stuff”, I figured that I learned a bit over the year. FYI, if you are easily offended do not read this. Save us both time by not having to write the BS emails back and forth. English freaks take note- my proof reading sucks, and I'm not paying an editor to write for a free blog.

...

What I learned in 2009

• The biggest “Fitness Club” in Pittsburgh charges almost $30 a session for 30 minutes of training with a “trainer”. Ahhh.. My supervised dynamic warm up takes at least 10-15 minutes. I guess the “trainer” needs more time to look in the mirror to see if his “cuts” are coming in or the big corporate meat market wants you in and out. Not to much time to talk about the rest of the day where you struggle to be healthy. You spend 90% of your time away from the PT. They are suppose to educate you in order for you to stay on tract longer and get faster results. 90 minutes a week isn't going to get it done when you are still eating like someone who is 20+ pounds overweight. Then again, if you don't need the trainer then you would just be one of the thousands of gym members that are paying to use cardio equipment. BTW, is it me or are the "cardio gerbils" just as fat after 6 months,12 months, to 5 years as they were when they started their 45min-1hr nightly journey? Umberger Performance is an 8,200 sq foot training facility and we don't have 1 treadmill or piece of traditional cardio equipment. (Disclaimer- we will be getting a bike for in season hockey players.) Our clients are regularly getting into their "skinny jeans". Maybe mindless steady state cardio doesn't work? Or does it? Look in the mirror and you tell me.

• Douche bags ruined Affliction and Ed Hardy gear…

• Customer service in this country sucks. Obama’s handouts suck too… Our crappy business environment is party due to the lack of customer service. Is it that hard to call someone back with an answer with 1-2 days.. not 5? I’d accept a text or an email. Maybe it's worst to complain that your free Obama phone doesn't have enough free minutes on it???

• Working like an animal breads success. Cost = my girlfriend of three years hates me and I almost killed myself(Western Psyche that was a joke).

• Good people are good people and they are few and far between. I’m lucky to have a good amount of them in my life! More than most!

• To reinforce an old lesson- No one cares about you except you( exception- family close friends)

• 90% of fat loss plans suck. Weight Watches works if you are 100lbs over weight and have no idea what portion control is. If you are looking to lose 20 pounds. Stop with the sugars and shitty carbs(sucralose is a bad substitute). It’s like a crack rock to you. Put it down slowly and run away.. Do it now!

• You can not replace simple hard work and discipline. If you ate yourself to “fat”, you must burn calories and stop eating like a fat person. Eat like a person that likes themselves. 4,000 calories a day of shitty carbs and sugars will make you feel worse tomorrow. Don’t eat like a “Skinny Bitch”, eat like a healthy person. You are either burning fat or storing fat(if you are hungry). Feed the machine!

• Tiger Woods has a limit to how woman he can “have relations with” and still keep sponsors. Not sure what that number is? Must be around 2,000 for Nike. I want to see the Vegas odds of Tiger catching up to Wilt Chamberland. 20,000 is a big number Tiger. You better call Bill Clinton.

• Mark Madden is really “the super genius” and he will marry Bri Olson.

• Every Country Music station in Pittsburgh in brutal- and I like country.

• Live Nation's "convenience fee" is bullshit, but not as bullshit as the $10 per ticket parking fee. So much for $10 per car load. I wanted to attend 5-6 concerts last summer. I went to 1 and saved probably $400 in fees between my lady and I.

• Sucralose, High Fructose Corn Syrup, and Aspartame are bad for you. The FDA says 1 serving a day… Just about everything in the center of the grocery store contains one of these winners. That’s why everyone should shop on the outside of the grocery store(fruits/veggies/dairy/fish/poultry/meat/unprocessed breads).

• 105.9 plays the same music that I listened to in high school. I’m 32

• Just when I thought that Pittsburgh was going to get more than 10 days of sunshine a year, it snowed… a lot.. and it snowed some more. Too bad Uncle Luke caught some shit from “the people” for not plowing streets....after a week.

• If you eat a moderately good diet that consists of fruits, veggies, and healthy meats your life will be enriched by feeling and looking better. Confidence and happiness are a killer combo. Dead sexy biiiotches!