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Tombstone - Steelers Style

This is the tale of the AFC Showdown this Sunday between the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Cincinnati Bengals. The names are real, but in the movie, the names will change to protect the athletes involved.

Follow up:

I am going to tell you a tale about some Steelers and some Bengals:

Wyatt Earp (Ben Roethlisberger), a quarterback with a legendary reputation, re-unites with his teammates Virgil (Hines Ward) and Morgan (Santonio Holmes) in Latrobe, Pennsylvania, where they venture on towards Pittsburgh, a small but growing blue-collar town, to settle down. There they encounter Wyatt's longtime friend Doc Holliday (Rashard Mendenhall), a southern running-back, expert at running between the tackles, and smart character who seeks better tread in Pennsylvania's moist environment.

All is not perfect, however. Wyatt's defensemen, Matthew Blaylock (Troy Polomalu), is slowly becoming dependent on being first to the ball. Just as Wyatt and his brothers begin to benefit from this system, they have their first encounter with the Bengals, a band of ruthless outlaws. Led by "Curly Bill" Brocious (Carson Palmer), the Bengal members are identifiable by the stupid orange tiger stripes on their sashes worn around their neck. Conflict is narrowly avoided upon Virgil's insistence that he is not afraid of their linebackers and will break a jaw if he has to. This is also another face-to-face meeting for Matthew Blaylock and the psychopathic Johnny Ringo (Chad Ochocinco), widely known to be one of the best wideouts in the East. They take an immediate dislike to one another.

Also newly arrived in Tombstone with a traveling troupe of theatre performers are Joseph Marcus (Cedric Benson) and his fellow thespian Mr. Fabian (Laveranues Coles).

Wyatt, though no longer in his end of the field, is pressured to help rid the zone of the Bengals as tensions rise. Shooting aimlessly after a visit to a Chinese opium house, an intoxicated Curly Bill is approached by Steeler coach Fred White (Mike Tomlin) to relinquish his firearms before any harm is done. Curly Bill instead shoots the marshal and is forcibly taken into custody by Wyatt. The arrest infuriates Ike Clanton (Tank Johnson) and the other Bengals, who threaten harm to Wyatt, his shotgun-toting brothers and Doc. Curly Bill stands trial, but is found not guilty due to lack of witnesses and released.

Virgil Earp, unable to tolerate the lawlessness of Pittsburgh, becomes the new town marshal and imposes a weapons ban in the city limits. This leads to a legendary showdown with the Bengals, the battle at Heinz Field. Virgil and Morgan are leading in receptions, three Bengals' fumble, and the allegiance of cornerback John Behan (Johnathan Joseph) to the Bengals is made clear at last. As retribution for the Bengal fumbles, including the turnover by Ike Clanton's younger brother Billy (Antonio Chatman), Frank McLaury (Andre Caldwell) and one of the Clanton's boys, the Bengal's are ambushed: Morgan scores, while Virgil gains one hundred yards receiving.

An excited Wyatt and his team get together to celebrate in Pittsburgh. Followed by the Bengals, Wyatt sees that his family celebrates safely. But he surprises the Bengals--Ike Clanton and Frank Stilwell (Chris Henry)--who had come to finish him off. Wyatt announces that he has become a Superbowl Champion and that he intends to score on any man he sees wearing a stupid orange tiger stripes sash. Stilwell breaks his arm, but Wyatt lets Clanton return to send this message. Thus begins a vengeful stage in Wyatt's life when he, Doc, and other friends Texas Jack Vermillion (Mike Wallace) and Turkey Creek Jack Johnson (Heath Miller) join forces to administer steel city justice.

Wyatt and his posse are ambushed in a riverside forest by the Bengals. Hopelessly surrounded, Wyatt strides unprotected into the river to seek out Curly Bill in single combat. Brocious obliges and a knee-deep water gunfight is over quickly with Curly Bill lying sacked in the water. Johnny Ringo becomes the head of the Bengals.

Ringo sends a messenger to Pittsburgh telling Wyatt that he wants a showdown to end the hostilities and Wyatt is in agreement, though both Ringo and Wyatt know that Ringo is hopelessly outmatched. Doc knows he is a better match for Johnny.

Wyatt sets off for the showdown, not knowing that (a healthier than he appeared) Doc beats him to the scene. Doc confronts a surprised Ringo; Ringo becomes nervous and tells Doc that he doesn't want to fight him, but Doc says they are just finishing their "game" from a previous encounter--"to play for blood". Ringo's desire to win gets the better of him and he accepts; both men stare each other down as they circle around. As both men lift their footballs, Doc gets the first hit off, hitting Ringo in the head making him fumble. Wyatt runs when he hears the hit only to encounter his friend on his feet and well. They then press on to finish the job of eliminating the Bengals, though Clanton escapes their vengeance by throwing away his stupid orange tiger stripes sash.

Doc is later admitted to the endzone again. After a visit from Wyatt, Doc looks at his feet and the condition of the field in which he is lying: realizing he is about to win with his shirt untucked, muttering "I'll be damned. Oh, this is funny".

Although this story isn't real, it is realistic. We will go into Pittsburgh and run those pesky Bengals out of town.

Here We Go Steelers!

If you are sitting at home, bored, and want to read something from Pittsburgh, could be sports, could be comedy, come to the site and get involved!
If you wish to contact me in any way, let me know via email at:
toad268@everythingpittsburgh.net


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